I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
