Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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