I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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