Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Holy shit dude........stairs
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
