The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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