haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
