i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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