I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
