A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
