I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
