I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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