I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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