I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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