I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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