Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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