2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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