He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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