My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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