Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
