The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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