I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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