Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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