You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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