Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
