I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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