genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
