Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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