If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
