he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
