I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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