A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
