the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
