My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
