I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
