Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
