Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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