But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
