if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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