Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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