after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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