Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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