Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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