I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
