YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
