You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
