I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
