Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
