Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
