You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
