yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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