I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
