White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
